Dr. Chan asked if the tables could be turned, and if I would pose the same questions I threw at him yesterday, to myself. In the spirit of friendship (give and take, take and give), I agreed.
1. So you are married to me…why?
You are a very good man. It’s not easy to meet someone so, good. You are incredibly kind and gentle- qualities I am most drawn to. The pureness of your heart, your integrity, is your strength. So yes, I think of you as a strong person. You are also rather intelligent, even though you debunk this all the time. I like talking to you. You make me laugh.
I appreciate that you are a man of your word. When you say you will do something, you always deliver without fuss. And you just allow me to be completely, me. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. You are like a tree- a quiet, steadying, sheltering presence, framing me. I am who I am especially now, because of you.
Then because of the circumstances of our “courtship”, I knew if I didn’t return to Singapore when you asked me to, I would lose you. You believe in love, in marriage. You didn’t and you don’t believe in being alone. A man like you, as my grandmother and mother have repeatedly said, gets snapped up.
2. What’s it like?!!
Gosh. Like free falling. But you know, I am not afraid of falling.
3. What keeps you interested/invested in me, and in us?
You’re my best friend! Of course I have to take care of you! Besides, you don’t give me a way out!
4. 1st impressions?
Hallelujah! A tall man!
And then, the cliched, but honest realisation- everything in my life makes sense now, because everything happened to bring me here, to this one moment of meeting you- a stranger, and the knowing that I was going to grow old with you. Then acknowledging I had only one week, to convince you, to feel the same!
This question has been altered to :
5. Ok, I know you have a type. But do you have to be so specific? So if I didn’t tick one box, you wouldn’t be with me? Am I different though from your past?
I know what I like, I know what I don’t like. I’m not looking for perfection- he doesn’t exist. You are different in that you are the older version of what I am drawn to, what I know works for me. I think you also have a more astute sense of timing. You make it very hard to walk away.
6. When we met- you had just come out of a long term relationship… I don’t think you were looking for of all things marriage. Yet after we met, briefly, you were actually v action driven! What prompted all that action?
This has been changed to:
6. When we met, you were not looking for a relationship at all, as you were finally living your dream. Being with me meant giving all that up… What made you change your mind?
The person you are. You are so kind and gentle.
You needed to be in Singapore; something had to give. I asked myself which scared me more- starving artist life in NYC or relocating to Singapore for marriage? The latter did. So of course I did what scared me more… how else to conquer fear?
7. You were also very young- yet you wanted to settle, with me? Can you shed some light on that?
As mentioned above. Had I not return for you then, I would have lost you. I know what it is like to lose a good man. Meeting you was like being given a 2nd chance. I thought it would be foolish to let you slip away, without any effort on my part.
8. I know you are a firm believer in marriage. What about it do you believe/trust?
(I can’t think of an alternative to this question… Pass!)
9. It’ll be 20 years in November! Looking back- best moments/worst? Looking forward, what next?
I agree with you. California was hard. I also agree with you in that it shaped us for the better, as we were forced to re-consider us in new light, and both faced with the challenge of a new direction to take, separately and together.
Next? I’m not telling. You know I’m superstitious!
10. What do you know about yourself more so now, after 20 yrs of being with me, that you didn’t know, then?
Baby? You’ve unleashed, the dragon.