My (Silent) Hero, Speaks

I am married to Dr. Chan.  He is a man of few, few words.  Unlike me, he resides off-stage.

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On the brink of celebrating our 20th year together, he agreed, on this one occasion, to share his perspective of things.

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***
1. So you are married to me…why?

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Because there was an intrinsic ‘sameness’ about us that I recognized, shared values if you will.  When we finally met in NYC, there were so many things to admire- grit, being unafraid of hard work, style, basic common sense (very rare!), smarts, determination, flair, joie de vivre, a love for animals, being alcoholic (haha) and (drumroll), the X-Factor.  There were many traits that I felt I could learn from you, and in so doing grow as a person, which hopefully I have, if even a little.

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2. What’s it like?!!

It’s been a rollercoaster, but man what a ride!

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3. What keeps you interested/invested in me, and in us?

The same things in my response to question 1 still hold true; having grown together with our life over the years.

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Then our shared love, hopes and dreams for Summie, Angel and Bruno, our family…

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I think you’ve come to appreciate the concept of us more recently, as family, a wee bit more, which actually makes me happy.

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4. 1st impressions?

See responses to question #1.  Also the crazy blond hair and pretty goth look… Haha a style- maker even then.

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5. You’ve always said you don’t exactly have a type… and in your past relationships that we never talk about, every woman is v different. Am I different from them? 

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Everyone has been different but perhaps what I’ve found attractive that is similar, is a bit of spunk, someone challenging, rather than staid and ‘safe’.  The past relationships refine needs, wants and expectations, which then encapsulate the person that you know would make a good partner to journey in life with; that I saw in you.

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6. When we met- you had just come out of a long-term relationship… I don’t think you were looking for of all things, marriage. Yet after we met, briefly, you were actually v action- driven! What prompted all that action?

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The recognition of you, as the person that I needed in my life.

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But all the experiences before you, led to that decision.

7. You were also very young- yet you wanted to settle, with me? Can you shed some light on that?

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I felt that if marriage was to be an important life experience, then if the right fit and opportunity presented itself, the earlier the better.  As a consequence, that led to having Summie when we were very young, still struggling, and starting out. 428645_189322457845520_1707061481_n

But look at where we are now.

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I still tell patients who ask about when to start a family, to do it when they’re young as medically the risks are lower.  It isn’t any easier to care for a newborn baby when you’re in your 40s than when you’re in you’re 20s.  Also having a child early I think, sort of puts one’s relationship through a baptism of fire.  If one is fortunate, you come out the better for it.

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8. I know you are a firm believer in marriage. What about it do you believe/trust?

Inherently, I don’t want to be alone in life, and in looking for a spouse I’ve looked for someone who is unafraid, and who I know would take care of us/me.  I do believe in the framework of marriage- which if both work hard at it, the whole is even greater than the sum of its parts.

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9. It’ll be 20 years in November! Looking back- best moments/worst? Looking forward, what next?

The events in California were trying and were the darkest and saddest moments of my life.  But I think it shaped both of us, in a positive way.  What’s next?  You tell me!  Who knows… the evidence to date would certainly auger well for the future!

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10. What do you know about yourself more so now, that you didnt know, then?

Perhaps that I’m more resilient than I give myself credit for.

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The ability to step up at crunch time if you will.  You’ve helped me grow immensely for which I will be eternally grateful.

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Also, I’d like to think that my palate has become more refined with the wonderful and very generous shared wine experiences with like-minded friends.

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Certainly, the term ‘sous bois’ carries a whole new meaning for me these days.

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