My (Silent) Hero, Speaks

I am married to Dr. Chan.  He is a man of few, few words.  Unlike me, he resides off-stage.


On the brink of celebrating our 20th year together, he agreed, on this one occasion, to share his perspective of things.


1. So you are married to me…why?


Because there was an intrinsic ‘sameness’ about us that I recognized, shared values if you will.  When we finally met in NYC, there were so many things to admire- grit, being unafraid of hard work, style, basic common sense (very rare!), smarts, determination, flair, joie de vivre, a love for animals, being alcoholic (haha) and (drumroll), the X-Factor.  There were many traits that I felt I could learn from you, and in so doing grow as a person, which hopefully I have, if even a little.


2. What’s it like?!!

It’s been a rollercoaster, but man what a ride!


3. What keeps you interested/invested in me, and in us?

The same things in my response to question 1 still hold true; having grown together with our life over the years.


Then our shared love, hopes and dreams for Summie, Angel and Bruno, our family…

photo 4

I think you’ve come to appreciate the concept of us more recently, as family, a wee bit more, which actually makes me happy.


4. 1st impressions?

See responses to question #1.  Also the crazy blond hair and pretty goth look… Haha a style- maker even then.


5. You’ve always said you don’t exactly have a type… and in your past relationships that we never talk about, every woman is v different. Am I different from them? 


Everyone has been different but perhaps what I’ve found attractive that is similar, is a bit of spunk, someone challenging, rather than staid and ‘safe’.  The past relationships refine needs, wants and expectations, which then encapsulate the person that you know would make a good partner to journey in life with; that I saw in you.


6. When we met- you had just come out of a long-term relationship… I don’t think you were looking for of all things, marriage. Yet after we met, briefly, you were actually v action- driven! What prompted all that action?


The recognition of you, as the person that I needed in my life.


But all the experiences before you, led to that decision.

7. You were also very young- yet you wanted to settle, with me? Can you shed some light on that?


I felt that if marriage was to be an important life experience, then if the right fit and opportunity presented itself, the earlier the better.  As a consequence, that led to having Summie when we were very young, still struggling, and starting out. 428645_189322457845520_1707061481_n

But look at where we are now.


I still tell patients who ask about when to start a family, to do it when they’re young as medically the risks are lower.  It isn’t any easier to care for a newborn baby when you’re in your 40s than when you’re in you’re 20s.  Also having a child early I think, sort of puts one’s relationship through a baptism of fire.  If one is fortunate, you come out the better for it.


8. I know you are a firm believer in marriage. What about it do you believe/trust?

Inherently, I don’t want to be alone in life, and in looking for a spouse I’ve looked for someone who is unafraid, and who I know would take care of us/me.  I do believe in the framework of marriage- which if both work hard at it, the whole is even greater than the sum of its parts.


9. It’ll be 20 years in November! Looking back- best moments/worst? Looking forward, what next?

The events in California were trying and were the darkest and saddest moments of my life.  But I think it shaped both of us, in a positive way.  What’s next?  You tell me!  Who knows… the evidence to date would certainly auger well for the future!


10. What do you know about yourself more so now, that you didnt know, then?

Perhaps that I’m more resilient than I give myself credit for.


The ability to step up at crunch time if you will.  You’ve helped me grow immensely for which I will be eternally grateful.


Also, I’d like to think that my palate has become more refined with the wonderful and very generous shared wine experiences with like-minded friends.


Certainly, the term ‘sous bois’ carries a whole new meaning for me these days.


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