Talking Bag

I suppose there comes a time in a woman’s life, when she feels, I deserve that bag.  


(Kindly note- that bag belongs to Miss Darcy, not Bruno.)

Understandably so.  And for whatever reason prompts you towards the store on New Bond Street, Sloane Street, or to the Mothership at 24 Rue du Fauburg Saint Honore, here’s some observations I’ve made with regards to a successful pursuit.

  1.  Bait-  That’s you, the shopper.  Enter the store quietly, smile and make eye contact if anyone notices you, and present yourself as bait.
  2. Do not join the queue with all the other shoppers.  Remember, you are bait. To bait, you need to stand out, stand apart.  Think of what it feels like to be a gazelle, separated from the herd, out in the African plains.
  3. Mind your manners.
  4. Be patient.  Put yourself in the shoes of the SAs who are harangued constantly about the bags.
  5. Be humble.  In this store there is a reversal of unspoken power between the shopper and the SAs.  Throwing you weight around just because you feel you deserve that bag and damn it can afford it, aint gonna get you very far.
  6. Be frank.  Don’t pretend you know the difference between salt-water or fresh-water  crocodiles, if you even get a whiff of crocodile.  The very first time I entered the store, I was offered something pretty in purple skin and diamonds.  I thanked the SA and told her v honestly, that there was no way I could afford such a bag, especially when the bag costs the same amount as a downpayment for a flat in Central London.  We all had a good laugh, and then in whispers, the SA suggested I return later in the day.
  7. L1080192
  8. Dress neatly, but don’t make the mistake of dressing to impress.  All bling-ed out and logo-ed out shouts especially to this old house, a lack of style, good manners and taste.  Worse, you might even unknowingly be expressing (insert shudder), New Money.
  9. Get to know the SAs, and allow them to get to know you.  You need them on your side.
  10. And then there is of course the route others have taken.  Spend a bomb on other items at the store and as you are standing at the cashier wondering what to do with your new cashmere blanket, leather jacket, hunting boots, watch with its dangling face, photo frames, and bracelet with studs that could injure, and you just, might, might, get offered, a bag.

3 thoughts on “Talking Bag

  1. I’ve only just caught up after coming off the morphine and saw what I have been missing.
    Very aptly observed, dahling! Always a show for those who think they have every right to everything money can buy. It’s never in the asking that you get, it’s the subtle nod of acknowledgment that sends the SAs scurrying to find the package all wrapped and ready to go. Leaving the ones on the shop floor bewildered – wondering how and when did that transaction happen. LOL!


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